Infidelity in marriage is a controversial and often painful subject. Some men rationalize having a “side chick” by citing various perceived benefits. However, these justifications are fundamentally flawed and can have serious consequences. Below, we explore ten common excuses men use to justify having a side chick and explain why each one is problematic.
1. Increased Excitement and Thrill
Excuse: “Having a side chick adds excitement and variety to my life, breaking the monotony of marriage.”
Problem: This undermines the trust and stability essential in a marriage. Seeking thrills outside the marriage can create emotional and psychological distance from one’s spouse, leading to long-term relationship damage.
2. Sexual Fulfillment
Excuse: “My side chick satisfies my sexual needs that my wife can’t or won’t.”
Problem: This ignores the importance of communication and mutual effort in addressing sexual issues within the marriage. Resorting to infidelity avoids solving the root problem and can severely hurt the partner’s self-esteem and trust.
3. Emotional Support
Excuse: “She provides the emotional support and understanding that my wife doesn’t.”
Problem: Emotional needs should be addressed openly with one’s spouse or through professional counseling, not through an extramarital relationship that can breed deceit and mistrust.
4. Ego Boost
Excuse: “Having a side chick makes me feel more attractive and confident.”
Problem: Relying on extramarital affairs for self-esteem is unhealthy and can lead to a cycle of dependency on external validation, damaging both personal integrity and marital trust.
5. Escape from Marital Problems
Excuse: “A side chick provides an escape from the stresses and conflicts at home.”
Problem: Using infidelity as an escape avoids addressing and resolving the underlying issues in the marriage, potentially worsening the marital problems and creating additional complications.
6. Compensation for Lack of Intimacy
Excuse: “I’m compensating for the lack of intimacy in my marriage.”
Problem: This is a temporary and harmful solution. Genuine intimacy should be rebuilt within the marriage through communication, effort, and sometimes professional help, not through betrayal.
7. Maintaining Appearances
Excuse: “I stay married for societal or familial reasons, but I have a side chick to fulfill my personal needs.”
Problem: This double life is deceptive and can lead to severe emotional harm for all involved, including children. Honest conversations about the state of the marriage and possible solutions are more respectful and responsible.
8. Perceived Entitlement
Excuse: “I deserve to have some fun on the side after all I’ve done for my family.”
Problem: This sense of entitlement disregards the commitments and sacrifices inherent in marriage. Mutual respect and fidelity are cornerstones of a healthy relationship, and betrayal undermines these foundations.
9. Cultural or Peer Influence
Excuse: “It’s common in my culture or among my friends to have a side chick.”
Problem: Cultural or social norms do not justify infidelity. Marriage is a personal commitment, and adhering to destructive norms can erode personal and relational integrity.
10. Avoiding Divorce
Excuse: “It’s better than getting a divorce and breaking up the family.”
Problem: Infidelity often causes more pain and disruption than an honest separation. If the marriage is unsustainable, seeking counseling or a respectful separation is more ethical and less damaging than deceit.
Each of these excuses fails to address the core issues within a marriage and instead introduces deception, betrayal, and emotional harm. Healthy marriages are built on trust, communication, and mutual respect. When problems arise, they should be faced together with honesty and a willingness to work through difficulties. Infidelity, in any form, undermines the very foundation of a committed relationship and can have lasting negative effects on all parties involved.
